My Heart Was Pounding So Hard

I had never been so nervous at a weigh - in! I actually felt like I was going to faint before I got the scale from the bathroom to the kitchen. My heart wasn't just pounding, it was jumping from the bottom of my stomach to the top of my throat. It was what? 4? 5 AM? I had to do this now, or else get no more sleep.

I strip and step on the scale. Even my feet are sweaty! I almost fall off! And then it flashes...
271.

I was speechless and didn't even believe it. I got off, and got on again. Same number. Still 271. I was ecstatic.

I beat my aunt. By more than three pounds! This week in total was a five pound drop, more than I was hoping for. I did it and I'm okay and I'm alive and I feel good, I think my body is okay too and that we're be fine together, even though it's sure to throw this feeling back in my face a couple weeks down the line.

Do I feel silly about my belly aching? Yes, of course, but I won't get rid of those posts. It's a part of my dieting experience. I'm a crazy, paranoid, over reacting person, and this part of my life will always get such emotions from me. If, next week, the same thing happens, buckle up, cause the ride is gonna start all over again.

This Summer:
Mid to late May, I came to my mother's, hoping to lose more weight. About 30 pounds was my rough estimate. I left at -40 pounds (309) and now I am at -78 pounds (271). That's a loss of about 38 pounds, excluding anything I'll lose during these last five days.

I don't care what anyone says, I think that's a success. I've met my summer goal, now...to take on life.

Love & Peace

Gabby.