"Failures"

What is a weight "failure?" Usually, it's anything that's a gain, right? Well, not in my world.

Last weekend, I woke up early, my heart all a flutter, eagerly making my way to the bathroom scale with a mixture of dread and excitement growing in my chest. I was going to do it. I was going to be 275. I was going to beat my aunt. Haven't heard about my aunt? Side story time~

My Aunt, The Side Story: My aunt, in short, thinks she's the shit. She feel's she is the prettiest, smartest, thinnest, "hippest," and all around best person in the family. She 40, or 41, I can't remember, wears clothes meant for teenagers, and is obese. Now, this isn't public, but I've always wanted to at least be thinner than her. I'm already smarter ('Cause I'm in college, lolz), but she's still very, very superficial. I need her to know! To see it everytime she looks at me! Last time I heard of her weight, she was 275. I left for my mother's and I started this secret battle. Now back to the main issue.

So, I strip (pleasant image, right?) and step on the scale. Here it comes. Here it comes! 277 will now be 275! I have met my goal with one week to spare! I am all mighty, I am all powerful, I am Go-...What? 276? 276!?

I was, to be blunt, pissed. I ran more than I ever ran that week, trying to get two pounds down. I watched my food like a hawk. No calorie slipped by me, not a one. And this is my reward? One messily pound? What have I done to deserve this? Was I a goat thief in a past life? Is this my punishment?

Well, after a day of ranting and raving and wallowing in my own self pity, I really looked at what had happened. Hey. A pound is a pound. At least it didn't say 278! I did lose. I also took this as a sign to really look at what I was doing food wise, since I could of been eating too little, but we'll find out this weekend.

So, the point of all this?

Weight loss just isn't a perfect science. Your body doesn't care about how long you slaved over a calculator, punching in numbers for calories to figure out the perfect equation. It doesn't care how long you worked out. Hell, it doesn't even care how you use your calories. It's going to react how it's going to react. Most of the time, it's right on board with the plan, but sometimes it backfires. Sometimes you don't lose a thing. Sometimes you gain. But if you get trying, you'll find it to really be worth the fight.

As long as you keep trying, there really is no failure. A one pound week isn't a failure, though it's hard for me to accept this. Even a gain isn't a failure, especially if you're a chick, cause we hold water like no body's business.

I have to learn this lesson. I have to be content with any loss. I'm not going to have 3lb+ weeks all the time, I might never have them again, but I have to keep trying. I can't get discouraged, or it'll beat me again.

I'm going to slay this fat covered dragon.

Love & Peace,

Gabby