Hit 80

I hit the 80 pound mark, the 260's...and I really couldn't be any more miserable. I feel, strangely enough, fatter than ever, and just all over depressed. Perhaps my "Lady Time" is coming on, but I feel awful. This, strangely enough, had been the most depressing weigh-in. I'm even more upset than I was with my plateau. I'm really not sure what to make of it.

You must be wondering why I'm posting at all if I'm so miserable.

When I get this way, I don't want to do anything. Working out is usually the furthest thing from my mind and school work is more of a chore than usual. However, it's not a reason to quit. A lot of people, including myself, get frustrated and simply quit, or "take a break." You can't "take a break" from life. Next week, when I'm in a better mood, I'll have wished I worked out, that I had done more work, that I had studied more, and I'll be even more upset. Instead of setting myself up for that, I'm going to, as my grandmother says, "put on my big girl panties," and get over it.

I'm actually a bit relieved that I lost. I went out with friends this weekend and put my "I'm not dieting" ideas to the test. I had sesame chicken, a pastry or two, some sweets, noodles, drinks that had calories (gasp) and what not, but I didn't gorge myself. I just ate like everyone else and I still lost a pound.

It's still a victory. Yay.

Love & Peace

Gabby

P.S. I know it seems like I'm the only one on the blog, but Freshmen Anna is really busy with her work and tests. She'll be around.

Oh, 271? I'm Sorry, They Don't Live Here Anymore.

Thanks right! This morning I weighed in at 270! Not 275, 273, or even 271! I have beaten Arizona! I am one pound from 80 and I'm just giddy. This is been the hardest 5 pounds EVER. I think that's what makes it so sweet. <3

I am soooo relieved now. I just have to keep pushing.

Also, what started this mad dash to fitness was my semester aboard in Japan. I know if was happening my Junior year, but I didn't know when. September 2010 and January 2011 are two totally different dates. But now I know the date (sorta).

Spring '11.

That's more than enough time to lose 108 pounds. I'm going to be just fine. <3

Yay for losing some weight. :D Now all I need is to know I aced my marketing test & paper and this will turn into a kick ass week.

Love & Peace

Gabby

So...Fat Is Ugly.

On Calorie Count, a conversation was started by a man who said, without a doubt, fat is ugly. He said that words like "Curvy" were used as self denial and would lead the person to an early grave because of their size.

"I'm sorry, but fat is ugly. Deep down inside you all know it. That's the main reason why you (and I) are all here on this web site." That's what he said and I could disagree more. If he said this to my face, we would of fought.

Now, being overweight is unhealthy. Saying that you're "curvy" or "big boned" can be self delusional if you use it as an excuse NOT to change anything about it and really are overweight/obese. However, that does NOT mean that every overweight person is ugly and I don't EVER want anyone to think that.

Fat does not equal ugly, and skinny does not equal beauty.

Having a pretty face is the same if you're fat or thin. If you were "funny looking" fat, you'll be "funny looking" thin. Your body might have a better shape, but you'll still be you and I hate when people try and say that if someone loses weight, they'll be prettier, more attractive, confident, and be the bell of the ball. A lot of people lose weight and are still self conscious and feel the same as they did when they were overweight. Do you know why? BECAUSE SELF ESTEEM IS SOMETHING INSIDE OF YOU, NOT ON YOUR FACE OR BODY!

I'm not saying losing weight doesn't help some people, but the whole weight loss transformation isn't just ones step. You don't lose the weight and then, once you hit that magic number, a switch clicks and it's all done. That's just not how it works.

But I've lost the point of my argument.
Fat is a lot of things, but it is not ugly. Beauty is subjective, and no one should feel that they have to change to be pretty to anyone but themselves.

Beauty is in the inside.

Love & Peace,

Gabby

P.S. I am NOT losing weight to be more attractive. I am not interested in dating, and it's the furthest thing from my mind. I am losing weight to be more healthy and to feel better about myself in certain social situations. I will always have the same face, I will always have knocked knees, I will always be very tall. However, I will not always be obese. That is what I'm changing, and nothing more.

Easy Does It...

Lost a pound this week. Though I'm glad I'm out of plateau land, I'm mad that I'm not back at 271. XD I'm starting to think it was just a dream. I've been back home for awhile, and this is the hardest it's ever been to get to another ten pound check point.

It's weird. In the beginning, all I was doing was walking. That was it. About five times a week, maybe 60-80 minutes, just walking. No weight lifting, no running. Walking. I dieted (and might of eaten more, who knows. XD I messed up my calories this summer, but that's another issue). In the beginning, I was dropping weight super fast with just that. I mean, five pounds, seven pounds, three pounds...It was expected. XD Now I'm killing myself and my body is like, "Eh...Kay, one pound, 'cause I'm feeling generous." The body is such a strange thing, isn't it?

I have 110 pounds left to lose...man, that seems really daunting, doesn't it? I can't wait till I have less than 100. It'll seem more...do-able? Not that I'm not doing it now, it just won't seem so huge...I really have no idea what I'm talking about.

Here's praying to return to 271. <3

Love & Peace

Gabby

P.S. Welcome, Lauren. :D

Some More Pictures

I don't have any front ons, but I decided to bit the bullet and get 'er out there.

This is the only one I have, but this was...early high school? I've become quite skilled at avoiding unwanted pictures if I do say so myself.

Old:

Today was the day of service. This is now the tightest shirt I have.

Today:

Still quite large, but it's a start (...middle?). Poor shirt is trying so hard o stay together. XD

Love & Peace

Gabby

So, today I weighed myself and though I had once got down to 144.5, now I'm back up to 147.5. Uuuugghh. I feel so pointless and worthless. I overate on purpose, and pretty badly too. I don't want to go to the gym. I feel like I'll never be able to lose weight at college.

Do I need to lower my calories back down to 1200? Count every single thing? Ok. Starting today, I'll be super-careful about what I eat. The next meal I will carefully look out for every thing I eat. I'll come up with new things to eat. I won't let this beat me. I'll do 1500 one more week, then if that fails, I'll try 1400. I need to win.

I wish I could say more, but I'm so busy. Maybe soon I'll have a comprehensive entry, I just hate this crap right now.

Love,

Anna

FINALLY!

My plateau is over. :D Well, seemingly over, but for now, it's done. <3>

Lol, this is what I get for all my bitching and moaning about only one pound here and there. I need to be more thankful before my body turns against me again. XD

At least I've made it through my first hump without falling in many pieces, just a few. :D

Yay~! Three more pounds and I'll be in the 260's. <3

Super Duper Love & Oodles Of Peace

Gabby

P.S. Freshmen Anna is too busy being a social college kid (working). Lucky I have no social life. :)

I've Plateaued And I'm Pissed

I have been in the 270's since July 25th, and this is my third week at 275. As I sit in the library, livid, all I can ask is What. The. F**k.

I could understand if I slacked or gorged myself, but I didn’t, all I wanted was two stupid pounds to get to damn 269, to get to 80. And now my body doesn't want to work anymore!? I actually gain AND hold on to it!? I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes when she told me, “It’s about the same.” I kept a smile on my face, happy that she was happy with my progress, but since I’ve gotten back from Arizona, my weight has been nothing but trouble and I’m mad!

I’m devastated.
I’m upset.
I’m depressed!
And I’m frustrated as hell!

I’m on the treadmill for 60 long ass minutes. I run for seven minutes, take a break, and run for three minutes for each of the following ten minute sections. That’s almost 22 minutes of running! I 275 pounds! How is that alone not supposed to get me to lose ONE POUND!? I weight lift! I work my arms, my legs, my stomach, to the point that I’m sore, and I don’t get any reward? I go back to the bikes and elliptical for another twenty minutes, and I get nothing but sweat and damn stares from the skinny girls in the gym? What the hell!?

I know, I know, the body isn’t perfect, and I’m always the first person to tell someone to calm down and relax when weight doesn’t go their way, but it’s frustrating! I’m doing everything I can, even with my damn school work! I have been counting calories and even upped my calories when I saw that I was eating too little. I was eating too little, and I didn’t even get some weight off!? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!

What the hell does a girl have to do to lose some damn weight around here!? Strike a deal with the devil!?

UGH!

I’m so mad! And I’m the one fat person that doesn’t eat when mad/upset, I just want to curl up under the covers and wait for something to come off. I don’t want to do school work, I don’t want to eat anything, I don’t want to exercise, I just want to lay down and sleep! I guess it’s good that I had a mandatory 50 minutes of tennis. <.< Even though I worked out yesterday for an hour and a half, but I guess it didn't matter!

Not only that, but my Aunt and Grandmother have decided to become the police, which usually wouldn’t be a problem if I was losing, but I feel that this plateau is their sign that I am f**king it up. I haven’t done a damn thing wrong (purposely)! And I’ll fight to the death to defend that! A cup of half fat ice cream at night didn’t undo me all summer, and I doubt it’s the case now!

I just want to go back to losing like before! Hell, I’m not even small! I’m barely under 300 for the love of Christ! What the hell is my body waiting for? Does it want us to die in this fat prison!?

I wanted to reach 100 by my birthday, I made this goal almost a month ago, giving me 3 months to lose 20 pounds, but I guess that’s not going to happen! I’ll be lucky if I get to it by Decemeber! Dammit, I have another country to go to! I don’t want to go fat!

I. Want. To. Lose!

Much Love & Little To No Peace

Gabby :(