I've Plateaued And I'm Pissed

I have been in the 270's since July 25th, and this is my third week at 275. As I sit in the library, livid, all I can ask is What. The. F**k.

I could understand if I slacked or gorged myself, but I didn’t, all I wanted was two stupid pounds to get to damn 269, to get to 80. And now my body doesn't want to work anymore!? I actually gain AND hold on to it!? I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes when she told me, “It’s about the same.” I kept a smile on my face, happy that she was happy with my progress, but since I’ve gotten back from Arizona, my weight has been nothing but trouble and I’m mad!

I’m devastated.
I’m upset.
I’m depressed!
And I’m frustrated as hell!

I’m on the treadmill for 60 long ass minutes. I run for seven minutes, take a break, and run for three minutes for each of the following ten minute sections. That’s almost 22 minutes of running! I 275 pounds! How is that alone not supposed to get me to lose ONE POUND!? I weight lift! I work my arms, my legs, my stomach, to the point that I’m sore, and I don’t get any reward? I go back to the bikes and elliptical for another twenty minutes, and I get nothing but sweat and damn stares from the skinny girls in the gym? What the hell!?

I know, I know, the body isn’t perfect, and I’m always the first person to tell someone to calm down and relax when weight doesn’t go their way, but it’s frustrating! I’m doing everything I can, even with my damn school work! I have been counting calories and even upped my calories when I saw that I was eating too little. I was eating too little, and I didn’t even get some weight off!? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!

What the hell does a girl have to do to lose some damn weight around here!? Strike a deal with the devil!?

UGH!

I’m so mad! And I’m the one fat person that doesn’t eat when mad/upset, I just want to curl up under the covers and wait for something to come off. I don’t want to do school work, I don’t want to eat anything, I don’t want to exercise, I just want to lay down and sleep! I guess it’s good that I had a mandatory 50 minutes of tennis. <.< Even though I worked out yesterday for an hour and a half, but I guess it didn't matter!

Not only that, but my Aunt and Grandmother have decided to become the police, which usually wouldn’t be a problem if I was losing, but I feel that this plateau is their sign that I am f**king it up. I haven’t done a damn thing wrong (purposely)! And I’ll fight to the death to defend that! A cup of half fat ice cream at night didn’t undo me all summer, and I doubt it’s the case now!

I just want to go back to losing like before! Hell, I’m not even small! I’m barely under 300 for the love of Christ! What the hell is my body waiting for? Does it want us to die in this fat prison!?

I wanted to reach 100 by my birthday, I made this goal almost a month ago, giving me 3 months to lose 20 pounds, but I guess that’s not going to happen! I’ll be lucky if I get to it by Decemeber! Dammit, I have another country to go to! I don’t want to go fat!

I. Want. To. Lose!

Much Love & Little To No Peace

Gabby :(