Tired

I'm tired.

This week, I gained 3 pounds. My nurse wasn't all that concerned. She said I usually drop a lot (the six pounds from the previous week) and then gain a little. That's just how it goes. Still, it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't trying to get out of the obese category all over again after I said I'd never go back there. *sigh*

I'm tired.

I made it to the gym everyday until yesterday, Thursday. I made it inside the gym, I changed my clothes, I got on the bike, and after about ten, fifteen minutes...and I just felt awful. I really just wasn't into it. I was tired and just wanted to go home. So I did. Bad Gabby.

What happened was, I decided to treat myself to a cookie. I had logged it before as around...200 calories. I looked at the label and found out that it was actually 356. The font was so small I just never noticed. I felt so depressed. You would of thought that would of kicked my fat butt into gear, but it just made me feel bad. It didn't even fix my eating habits! I ate so much yesterday.

And today, I'm sick. =_=

I had to walk to a station for an interview, so I wasn't totally inactive. I know walking doesn't do much for me anymore, but, hey, it's better than nothing. My eating habits weren't all that better today (two candy bars, can you believe it?). I always get hungrier when I'm sick. It's like some switch gets flipped and it's just me and food.

I feel my gut against my legs when I sit and get all teary eyed these days. I see the rolls and don't even want to go outside. I feel like I'm falling back into bad habits and it's scary. I don't want to go back to where I was. I really want to get to under 200.

Hopefully I'll get there by the end of the summer. I really just have to work hard and put an end to my candy only pity party. (Candy is only for Saturday anyway. :P)

Thank you + Back on Track

I wanted to say thank you to those who commented on my last post. Especially MissHaneefa. Someone having been to Japan, and gain weight, makes me feel better (lol, misery loves company?). It really helped push me out of the "oh god, I'm a japanese glutton" real quick! I'm also back on track. Back to eating what I healthy (including oatmeal. <<) and working out. I'm calorie counting regularly and have already lost 6 of the 19 pounds I've gained. Hopefully I'll be back down to 209/8, and then I can tell the 200's to kiss my bum. I'd like to get to my goal before I graduate college (can you believe that's only a year away? Yeesh!). I have about 50 pounds and a little less than a year to lose 'em. I'm ready to sweat. :) Question: What are the name of the fancy arm bands that have the ipod holder on them? I'd really fancy one since most work out pants don't have pockets.

Ugh. Nutritionist hurt my feelings...

So I met with my nutritionist today for the first time since I got back and I feel...awful.

First things first, she asks be about my weight. I tell her I've gained weight. Anyone who's even skimmed the titles of my blog entries knows that gaining weight isn't something that I take lightly. She, however, proceeds to say, "You gained weight in Japan? That takes some doing." I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I had to try and explain that Japan is not as light as people make it out to be. Their stores aren't full to the brim with health foods, and, while I ate vegetables daily, cheap lunches were not always the most healthy (bowl of meat and rice = 300¥/500-600 cal.). After explaining that the food is indeed not always light, she says, "Well, apparently if that happened."

The whole meeting went down hill from there. I didn't want to say anything, I just wanted to go into the bathroom and cry. I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to share, I just wanted to go home. She went through three days worth of food and picked it apart. Sunday I was out with a friend, so it's obviously not my daily eating habits. She even picked apart the fact that I ate oatmeal for breakfast. Saying that the "Maple Brown Sugar" variety has too much high fructose corn syrup, even though I had been eating oatmeal last semester without fuss. She also picked apart the fact that I eat an almond bar as a snack, saying she remembered me eating fruit. she didn't bother to ask if I had any fruit since I arrived, because if she did, she would of known that I had apples, strawberries, and grapes and had finished them last week, before the food logs she requested took place.

I don't know what happened. She was so nice, but to be honest I really don't want to see her again. She truly hurt my feelings and made me feel even worse about my weight gain than I already had. I knew that people would be amazed that I gained weight in Japan of all places, I was too. But she just made me feel worse and embarrassed. I'll probably be canceling my next meeting with her. I had liked her because I didn't liked being judged about what I ate, but that she saw it as a normal part of life. That eating ice cream or, hell, oatmeal, wouldn't be the death of me. Now I just don't know...