I've been defeated.
Knocked out.
K.O.
Fatality.
Whatever you want to call it, I lost. I started this all with the goal of going to Japan with an alright weight and I have been utterly crushed my defeat. I am still over 200 pounds (211) and I'm still a large size (14/16).
I am hurt.
I am disappointed.
I really put my all into this and I just feel...down. Empty. A very "what's the point" kind of cloud is hanging over my head. I only work out because I know, without a doubt, that I will gain the moment I stop trying, which will only make the situation all that worse.
349 to 211...So close, but just couldn't make it. So many plateaus, and slip ups, lazy days, and sick days. I am just so upset with myself. I want a cookie...That won't make it feel better, but in the now, I'll at least have something sweet to nibble on while I wallow in my self made misery (isn't this dramatic? Lol).
Let's just hope that this was enough to make my dream trip to Japan a good experience.
I know the feeling of not making a weight goal and then the evil cycle of eating those emotions, i've been doing a bit of that this week. BUT! You lost 138 pounds. You're almost out of Lane Bryant. AND you're going to Japan. Please keep blogging and take some pictures while you're there.
ReplyDeleteI don't like this post Gabby. As one of your biggest supporters this is truly daunting. I've been a big girl ALL of my life and I can't imagine having lost 138 pounds and writing what you've written here. You may not look like Beyonce when you go to Japan, but dammit you're in the process of saving your life. If this is all for Japan, what happens post Japan? This is your life. Not some study abroad experience. You got up the courage to do something that I've been trying to do for all of my teen life. You have inspired people who have never met you. You have overcome every obstacle that tried to stop you, and all you can say is that you failed? The only thing that has failed is your attitude. You've moved mountains and it pains me to think that this is what it all boils down to. Have a good time in Japan.
ReplyDeleteKya
@SJB: I'll make sure to keep you posted. Thanks for the kind words.
ReplyDelete@SpunkyKy: This wasn't all for the Japan. That might of been the tipping point, but I don't plan on stopping while at Japan or after. However, when it comes to this particular goal, yes, I have failed. I haven't failed at life, being a person, losing weight, etc., but I have failed at losing the amount I wanted by my goal time.
My attitude hasn't failed, I'm just disappointed. Sorry if this post upset you.
Best wishes.
You have NOT failed! Maybe you feel like you have lost this battle but you are winning the war. You have lost a whole person and you are still going. I lived in Japan for 2 years. They have gyms, you can get a bike, you can eat healthy, you can keep going on this journey. Ok so you didn't get to where you wanted to by this time,you have accomplished so much. You have done the unimaginable. You are truly an inspiration to so many and you cannot be down on yourself because of this. GABBY YOU ARE THE SHIT! You did this all on your own, all you, no gimmicks, no surgeries, no bullshit. You are as real as they get. You have sacrificed blood, sweat and tears. Don't tear yourself down, the glass is half full, in fact it is almost overflowing you have done so much.
ReplyDeleteKEEP YOUR HEAD UP! You are a superstar, in fact you are the whole f'n galaxy! I wish I could hug you , high five you, pat you on the back and shake you all at the same time!
All the best and keep doing you cause girl, you are AWESOME!
Hey Gabby,
ReplyDeleteThat message wasn't meant to be mean or anything. I was funky on sleep and then kinda just wrote without thinking. Sorry about that. Keep up the good work.
@MissHaneefa: Thank you for that. I think I'm just very disappointed/upset about that I won't enter the next stage until a little later. I never imaged that I'd stop in Japan or after, I just thought I'd be in a different place.
ReplyDelete@SpunkyKy: I don't think that your message was mean at all. Felt like "tough love," and we all need some of that sometimes. :)
Did you get my email? If not you can email me at haneefa[underscore]c[at]hotmail[com]
ReplyDeleteI got your email. Thank you very much for replying. :)
ReplyDelete