News / Weight TV / Pumpkin Cookies

I've been accepted! It's official, I'm going to Japan, land of the rising sun, next semester! I'm so happy. I also lost another pound, but who cares, I'm going to Japan!

Anyway, what's everyone watching on the TV?

Anyone watching Money Hungry? I am (sadly) and...it's really weird to me. It's different from the biggest loser and seems they were picked more on personality than any real weight problems. Sometimes I'm just disgusted by the attitudes...Yeah, I'm going with that.

How about "Too Fat for 15?" This show is depressing. Reminds me of my stay at fat camp...and why I hated it. They criminalize food. I always hated that. Locking the pantry like they're wild beasts. Yeah, some need some control, but just how they talk to them, about them...They're kids, already self conscious, and, yeah, they're "too fat." But be nice!

Here's another, biggest loser is back! I have class during the time, so I taped it (that's right, class till 9:30, make it home about 10...so sad). I hate to say it, but I LOVE this show. I guess it's motivation. I know the truth, believe me. I read the interview and some of the things they tell these people make me want to just roll my eyes, but it's the stories that really get me some time.

So who wants to make pumpkin cookies?

5 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 cups granulated sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 5/8 cups Pumpkin Canned, With Salt
12 ounces chocolate chips
Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.

2. Grease a cookie sheet.

3. Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt; set aside.

4. Beat sugar, vegetable oil, eggs and vanilla together.

5. Add pumpkin and the dry ingredients alternately to the mixture.

6. Fold in chocolate chips.

7. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto cookie sheet.

8. Bake 10 minutes or until edges are set.


73 calories per cookie.

Now, where I am, there's some strange pumpkin famine going on, so I used sweet potato mix instead. Turned out fine, friends ate them and everything. Just a warning if you're affected by this as well.

Moving on then.

Well, since I've given up the 211 number, I've been much more content with my loss, not just trying to get back to where I was. I'll get there eventually, I know that, just probably in a few weeks.

I lost another 2 pounds, so I'm down to 216. :) The goal for my trip to Japan is going to try to be under 200, so only 16 more pounds to go till I meet that goal. When I come back from Japan, the goal is to be around the 180's, and by my 21st Birthday, I was to be D-O-N-E, done with this. 162-167. I want to start maintaining! And focus more on weight lifting.

I am addicted to yoplait smoothies. Did I say that already? I don't even remember. But they're good. I have one in the morning with toast and it is awesome. I don't even need any stevia to try and sweeten it up! It's just super fantastic. <3

Today I'm going to see a friend and we are going to have a food fest. This is our last outing together till about October when we go on a trip to New York, so we're going to some places we've always wanted to stop by. One is "Sakura Mandarin." As weird as the same is (japanese and chinese in there?) they are supposed to have some fantastic soup dumplings that we just have to try. After that, it's off to the Franklin Fountain. If anyone watches the travel channel (Man vs Food) you might of seen it. We're walking to it to try this supposedly amazing, fantastic, delicious ice cream.

I hope it's good!

Hey, Do You Remember Me?

Hey, do you remember me?

You should. We were together for, I don't know, almost two decades. Remember how much we cried? Remember how bad we were picked on? I remember. I remember all the crude, stupid names those little kids thought of, all of those names that made us cry so much. I remember crying on the phone to mom in elementary school, telling her tonight would be the night I'd change everything forever. That they'd stop picking on me. This was my last chip, my last piece of candy. Somehow, we always got another piece in the morning, didn't we? Funny how things work out.

Do you remember hiding chips under your pillow at night? Do you remember eating so much that family members would whisper and get your mom to tell you to stop? It happened so many times that you were soon embarrassed to ask for food all together. What if they thought you had eaten to much? Gave you looks? What if they said no? You had to sneak it, eat it alone. Couldn't be judged if you ate it when no one was looking.

Do you remember keeping your head down in the lunch room, looking only at the food? Don't look up, don't let them see you chew or swallow. You'll just be the fat girl stuffing her face. If they can't see it, they can't make fun of it. Never look up when you eat. It's shameful that you still want food, with all your bulk. Never let them see you eat.

Do you remember seeing the other kids is all the "fun" clothes? Remember walking buy the shops, knowing you couldn't fit anything, at all? Remember having to order from the adult plus size's women's magazines, even though you weren't even close to an adult?

Do you remember breaking that chair and trying to blow it off, as if it was the chair's fault it couldn't hold 300+ pounds? Do you remember at all? Do you remember how embarrassed you were? Do you remember when it happened again and how it sat in the hall as a memorial to you obesity, it's broken, crooked leg out there for the world to see?

Do you remember the plans? The quick diet plans? The nutritionist? Do you remember buying clothes that you said you'd fit in to one day, just to hide them at the bottom of your closest, not telling anyone you had even own them? Do you remember saving sites with clothes you wished you could fit, just to be like everyone else?

Do you remember sitting and thinking about the day some magical change would happen? All of the sudden you'd become healthier and just melt away. Just magically, no force on your own?

Do you remember how awful you felt? Do you remember how people on the street felt it was okay to let you know how awful you were, how awful you looked? Do you remember people laughing and you, sometimes behind you back, sometimes to your face. Do you remember all of that?

Do you remember when you finally had enough? What time was it? Maybe...2 or three in the morning. Do you remember how you looked at what you wanted, where you wanted to go, and knew that this weight was literally weighing you down.

Do you remember the first weigh in? That really was something. 349. You cried a lot in that office. You were so embarrassed. You were so upset with yourself. You could of just died.

Do you remember crying later that night? You couldn't stop, could you? You cried for hours, till you couldn't breathe. You just couldn't believe it, you couldn't believe how out of control you really were. You had every right to be upset, and you had every right to be embarrassed. But you kept moving.

Do you remember all the walking we did? Do you remember the days calorie counting? Do you remember the first picture you took? It was an awful, disgusting picture, but you took it. And another, and another. You would see the changes, eventually.

Do you remember the first ten pounds? Do you remember the first 50? Do you remember your first plateau? Oh, you were so frustrated! Two months of that! But you pushed through. You kept going to the gym, you kept up with the food. You kept moving.

Do you remember 100 pounds? Mixed feelings, right? Proud of yourself, of course, you lost 100 pounds, but a bit of shame that you had 100 pounds to lose in the first place, and 87 more pounds to go. You celebrated and kept going.

So...where are we now? Down about in the 210's. That's a lot different than the 340's. How do you feel? Alright? Are people noticing? Oh, they are, are they? Must feel good. To show people what you accomplished day after day. That you stuck with it. From Morbidly Obese (Man, could they have given it a worse title?) to just plain Overweight. That's kind of...normal.

So you're still having your battles. College is full of the thin and "perfect." You want a body like that girl, no wait, that body, no, the one in the magazine, the music video, the tv. That one, that one, that one.

Shake it off. You have your own body. You've abused it. It has reminders. Knocked knees, stretch marks, some saggy skin is starting to show. Don't try and trade it in for a better model. You have the best model. It held 349 pounds, it held you up without breaking, without illness.

Do not sell it short, do you understand me? It carried us from infancy to adolescence, from obesity to where we are now, and it hasn't one given up on you, so don't you stick your nose at it for some other person's body, because it's not tight, straight-legged, perfect. How dare you, you have no right. You did this to your body and it's done nothing but support you, from walking, to weight lifting, to running. How dare you try and tell it it's not good enough. Embrace it and care for it.

You have some more to lose. It'll probably take another year. 56 pounds takes some time. You're not in the 300's anymore, so ten pounds a month isn't likely to happen, but 8 is good, so is six, so is five. You have to make it happen like you made the other pounds happen.

Please don't forget me. Please don't forget what it was like to be me, and how much we had to go through. Please, please, please. Keep me with you, wherever you go. I'll let you cry when you're frustrated, and I'll move you forward. I'll remind you of what you were, what you are, what you'll be. I'll be there. Our bond is the greatest thing we have.

We did this, we can do so many other things. We have that power. We can do this. We can do anything.

Shaking it off and starting over.

Well, I'm kind of letting go of the 211. It's gone (for now) and I can only work off of where I am right now. Shaking it off, the feeling ugly as well, and just moving forward. Getting ready for Japan, focusing on my classes, and just taking care of business (plus, being all huffy won't make me smarter, do my homework, or make me lose weight). So, putting on my big girl panties and moving on. Down to 218.5 from 221 two weeks ago and that's just fine.

Anyway, little story for you.

I went with a friend to Macy's because I was looking for a swimsuit (what was left of them) and she was...well, I'm not sure what she was doing, but we got separated. After I got my less than awesome purchase (I'm getting good swimsuits in the mail. But I just had to go swimming), I walked by what I thought was a very pretty dress. It was one of those dresses people would wear to "gala" type things. All fancy, with a frilly collar, fitted waist, or in a nut shell, something I'd never wear and probably never will. With my friend gone, I looked at the dress and wondered, "What would happen if I tried this on?" I wasn't in the plus size section, and I have been told that I'm a size 14.

I looked left. I looked right. No friend in sight. I got the 14 off the rack and scurried into the changing room and locked the door. I looked at the price tag. 209 dollars. Yeah, I'd never buy this, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, but I would try it on. The result?

Now, it doesn't look nice on me, like, at all. I have a dip in my hips, HOWEVER, that is not the point. The point is it fit, quite well. The size 14 fit. It wasn't a struggle, no sucking in. I was able to walk around the little room and look at it without feeling like it was going to bust open and my flab would spill all over the place.

It fit.

Seems this dieting thing is working after all. :)

Every just have an "I'm Ugly" day?

I'm having one of those days. I'm looking myself in the mirror and just picking myself apart. Sometimes I feel like I forgot to even get my cards when they were dealing out the physical cards.

I don't have any of the "black" features body wise. I never did. Even when I was at my largest, I was never curvy. I don't have a large bust, so even now it's pretty much right in line with my gut. I don't have "junk in the trunk." So it also lines up nicely with my thigh fat. I don't have a very visible waist, so I don't have "hips" or the illusion of having some kind of shape.

I'm losing weight, but I really feel more "fat" than ever. And some of me is starting to look like it's "melting." It makes my body...not so cool. I'm the only one who sees it of course, but still...All I really see is that my body is still covered in this nice layer of unattractive fat.

I have strange shade of skin. It's not really brown, but like...a greenish brown (if that makes any sense). I'm envious of anyone with a pretty, even skin tone. Darker or lighter, doesn't matter to me. My whole family has that smooth, chocolaty complexion. I look like mine has gone bad. Plus, nothing really keeps it clear.

I have small eyes that make me look tired, and one missed night of sleep and I look three times my age. I don't think I even look my age. I'd like to look 19/20, but I feel like I'm pushing 28/30. What'll happen when I'm actually that age? My face it's self is long, and rather mannish to me. When I'm by myself, it looks like I'm angry, all the time, even if I'm just sitting around, daydreaming, it looks like I'm going to cut someone.

I'm tall, no biggy, but I have nice knocked-kneed legs. I'm very self conscious of them, which I know only makes it worse, since it'll make people notice.

Ugh. Everyone has something, right?

I like food too much to be thin + Muffin Recipe

I like food too much to be thin.

That's what the magazines tell me anyway. Lose # pounds in # weeks by eating # food. I like food. I like to eat. How come there's never and "eating" diet? =_= I think if someone asked me what I ate for dieting (and didn't know me) they'd be stunned. I mostly eat salads in between meals, rarely as an actual meal because it leaves me hungry unless I bulk it up, and at that point, it's like, "...Can't I just eat a sandwich?"

I like sweets. I like cookies and ice cream and muffins. Don't get me wrong, I don't eat them like I used to, but I do eat them. I like fast food. I like (dun dun dun) processed, nasty, it's-gonna-kill-ya food. My birthday is coming up and I'm already planning on the cake I'm going to buy. Yeah, it's that intense.

I was watching a show with someone who had a weight loss surgery and could no longer eat steak, pasta, or bread, but said it was totally worth it. I believed him, but if that was my life, I'd be banging my head against the wall daily. No steak? Pasta!? BREAD!? Ugh. Thinking of it gives me the willies.

So, I like food too much to be thin. However, I like food just enough to be healthy. :) It made me chuckle a bit when the nurse told me not to do anything drastic or gimmicky to try and lose the weight. I have to admit, diet pills are seductive. Being magically not hungry? Miraculously burning more calories? Sounds pretty sweet. However, I don't want my heart to explode, so the cons outweigh the pros.

P.S. Has anyone notices how girls' toy commercials are all "teen dolls" or baby dolls? Is that all girls can be now a days? A fashion forward "individual" or a mom? What happened to toys that were just...toys? Sock-em-boppers anyone? Le sigh~

Anyway, food time.

RECIPE:

Everyone loves muffins, right? How about strawberries? Strawberry Muffins anyone~?

1	cup whole wheat flour
1	cup all purpose flour
1/2	cup sugar
1 1/2	tsp baking soda
2	eggs
1/2	cup fat free plain yogurt
1/2	cup low fat vanilla yogurt
1/4	cup butter, melted
1	tsp vanilla
1	cup strawberries, chopped

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F.
   
   
2. In a bowl, mix together flour, sugar and baking soda.
   
   
3. In another bowl, mix eggs, yogurt, butter and vanilla.
   
   
4. Toss strawberries into the flour mixture.
   
   
5. Pour yogurt mixture into flour mixture and stir.
   
   
6. Spoon batter into greased muffin tin.
   
   
7. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until tops are golden brown.

160 calories per muffin. If I can make them, anyone can. I made two batches (24) just to get rid of four eggs. Awesome, awesome day. I wouldn't recommend eating them fresh out of the oven. Hot strawberries are actually not all that pleasant, to me anyway. I put them in the fridge and just eat them cold. Then again, I like muffins regardless of temperature. :)

Next week I'll post the recipe for Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookies (Warning, those will be addictive). This recipe can be found on Calorie Count. Happy baking~

Ah...Here we go again...

Back to the roller-coaster that is school weigh ins. Only went down to 220. 220! Ugh. I wanted to punch the wall! Did I really gain 10 pounds of 100% fat? Why does this damn weight keep trying to come back and ruin my plans? WHY! I still went to the gym afterwards, even though I was 100% huffy about my weight and embarrassed since I was meeting my nutritionist today with my magic 10 pound gain.

However, there was a silver lining.

During freshmen year, back before I ever got "serious," I went in for a personal training session. I think I did it a few times and promptly quick next semester. The woman/girl who was my personal trainer got promoted, but I saw her around, though we did nothing but smile and nod to each other. However, she came up next to my treadmill and said, "Hey, I think I trained you about two years ago." I nodded of course and smile, " Mrs ####, right?" She nodded and said that she had seen me around and thought that I really looked good. It was a nice pick up that I needed.

My nutritionist was more than nice and didn't hang on the weight thing. Things happen was the feeling I got from her about it. I might actually be losing my nutritionist. D: She brought in a woman who might be her replacement. She was nice enough (she only stayed for a few minutes), but my nutritionist has been with me since the 300's. We're close!

I hope she stays. ;.;

P.S. I'M GOING SWIMMING!