Dear God,

Or whoever is up there, please let me lose weight this week. Please. Please? I want to lose weight. I want to lose .5 lbs. At least. Please? I hope that's not too much to ask. I've been doing my calories corrently. I really have. I'm a good girl! So, just let me see 147 again so I know there's some hope.

If not I will just keep moving on, this is not impossible, just INCREDIBLY annoying. I must keep up hope, motivation, and continue on.

Love,

Anna

Pictures So Far

Okay~ I'm editing these during class before the teacher comes in~
Freshmen Anna brought up taking pictures. I've taken a few, of my face and side gut. Maybe it's progress? I'm not sure. Anyway, you can see if I'm any less fat.

These first pictures were a few weeks in. Maybe...first month or two? It couldn't of been more than 20 pounds. I just remember being very bummed that I wasn't seeing it...But now I'm sure it's been coming from around my organs.
Couple Weeks In:
(Bad hair cut + bad attitude = Bad Picture)


I am so...fat.


These next two were near the end of freshmen year, so this was...maybe month 3-4? I was near 35+ pounds lost...something like that. I felt like I had done something at that time, but even comparing the pictures, it's a very, very, very small difference. I'm glad I didn't spend too much time on it though. I would of gotten sad again.
End Of Freshmen Year:

My face is so pudgy and round! Fatty fat fat face. :0 And look and my tiny old glasses~


Still Quite Fat


Now (I wish is were more dramatic, but I do have a lot to go, so...wait for it.) -78 pounds (about):

I am doing the fat girl pose. The "I'm going to curl myself up as small as possible so no one will notice my fat" pose...but, hey, it's a picture. And I'm also eating lunch and trying not to cover myself in food. <3

I felt I was smaller than this. Lol, guess not. And, without my tiny bras, my boobs are sad. :(



Well, this is all I have for now. I'll try to take one monthly instead of "oh, I wonder what I look like" - ly.

Side Note: I saw my old boss while waiting for food, and, after some small chat, she said I had lost a lot of weight. :D I just said "...yeah. :)" But I was thinking, "-78!" She did see me when I was -38, so I don't know how much another 30 is going to be to her, but I felt good. <3

Love & Peace

Gabby

Oh No...

I always told myself that it wouldn't happen. That I would distance myself from it, keeping the relationship strictly business. I just wouldn't get my feelings involved.

But now...I like exercising! I...I don't know how it happened, when it happened, why it happened, but I just get giddy at the thought of it! I got to go to my school's gym today and I just rocked it! I was running and feeling great! I was doing bicep curls with 55 pounds and I felt awesome! I could do abdominal curls with the best of them! And my legs are a force to be reckoned with!

I sweated through my shirt and felt gross for almost two hours afterwards, but I still felt just great and I was excited to get back to it! I'm actually a little disappointed that I won't get to do it every day! Only three times a week...I want to work out everyday!

Love & Peace

Gabby

...But I Didn't Do Anything Wrong!

Well, today was my first day of school. At the moment, my head is killing me, my stomach hurts, and I already feel overwhelmed and tired. But that's not what this blog is about, so let's get to the good stuff~

My animation class ended early so I took that time to go to the health center and say hi, get weighed in, see how they were doing, update my form...mostly just to get my weight. So, I fill out my health form, wait patiently for my named to be called, until I get called back in.

The lady, of course, is super nice. She just says "wow" over and over as she looks over the previous data to compare it. Being under 300 is pretty nice if I do say so myself. When asked about the last time I weighed in, I proudly say, "Last time I weighed, I was around 271. I'm really hoping for the 260's : sparkle sparkle : " She says, "Well, let's get you weighed~!"

That son of a bitch scale said 275. I was quite content with 271 and going lower! Not gaining! Now, I was frustrated, but I didn't get too upset because I was being praised for my work ethic and the weight loss as a whole (I mean, seriously, how could I bitch during that?). She even said my blood pressure was better. I just had to smile and take it like a girl!

When I left, I promptly tried to get in contact with Freshmen Anna and my grandmother, screaming, "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! I WALKED! AND I WALKED! AND I COUNTED! AND I COUNTED! AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET! WHY?!" I actually started to tug at my still chunky arms going, "Where is it? Where is it hiding on my body! You can't come back here! Why are you back!"

I'm a drama queen. <.<>.<
I'm rushing against the clock! No time for plateaus~

Love & Peace

Gabby

The Gym

It's really annoying to me, for some reason, when the machine that I am about to go on next is in use. I have my workout planned in my mind. When I go over to use that machine and it is already being used, what else can I do other than change my plan (Nooooo!) or walk around like an idiot. Normally, it's the former, but it's still quite frustrating to me.

This week is busy. Getting ready for college. I'm getting a little nervous about fitting in my lifestyle change to this new environment. I don't really have any other choice, so I must do it! Anyway, I really hope the scale reads something nice for me on Wednesday... if not, oh well. I'm happy here, I'm gonna keep on moving forward. As long as it's not going up, that's all that matters to me--if I keep at it, it will go down regardless. I can't gain weight on 1200-1500 calories, that's for damn sure.

Love,

Anna

Well, I Have No Idea Anymore

So, I've been walking, sweating, all that jazz. Counting my calories, doing the whole lifestyle thing. So, this morning, almost having a panic attack, I go to step on the scale and now I just really, really, really hate it.

I got 269. Hooray, right? Not so much. I step on it again, just to make sure (I always do this) and I get 271...Like, a few times, sometimes even 272, then 270... I hate this scale! If you shift even a bit, BOOM, it's changes to something as radical as the 250's or close to the 280's. At my most stable, it teetered between 271 & 270. God, I wish I was one of those people who could take the lowest weight (right or wrong) and be happy.

I miss my old scale! I can't read this thing! I can't understand it even a little! I can't wait to go back to school just so I have a reliable scale! I'm not weighing myself outside of school anymore because it's just too unreliable and down right nerve racking! Hopefully it will be 269 when I get to the school, or I'm gonna be really peeved. And if its above 271!? Ugh, I seriously might just cry. I just want to know if I'm any less fat! Is that too much to ask!?

It is so ridiculous and frustrating to not know how you're doing! It's like walking around in the dark! Am I eating enough? Too little? Is my exercise working out? Who knows? Your scale sucks! I HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!

If anything, it's less than last week's freak show of a weigh in, so...I guess I went up and then back down? If this is the beginning of a plateau, heads are gonna roll. <.<

Love & (Not So Much) Peace,

Gabby

149, Again

BLAH I just wanna get back down to 147, is this too much to ask, body!? Stop playing with my emotions! I don't want to be in the high 140's anymoreee. Ok, at least it's still the 140's. I just feel like I'm teetering on the edge. GRR!

Love,

Anna

Wonky Scale & Period Pains, But Not Shaken

Well, I got on my grandmother's scale, just as nervous as before and I saw something very outrageous. Previous weight, 271. So, let's see what's happened this week. Have I managed to land with both feet on the ground?

Let's find out...

275. I pee. 276. I move it to flatter ground. 275/278, depending on how balanced I am. I was, at first, shocked and pretty weirded out. But I actually calmed myself into a good mood.

No one gains that much weight in that little time. Even with me going back home, I only missed one day of exercise and with my elliptical, I was working out, enough to actually feel sore. I haven't over eaten, actually, I've under eaten due to jet lag, and I'm on my period. I just can't sit and say to myself "I've gained five pounds." I can't get upset. I just don't think it's true. I really just dn't think I've done anything wrong, at least, wrong enough to make that outrageous of a gain.

Maybe I'm being naive? Silly? Some weird nighttime feast my guilt won't take into consideration? I just don't think so. I'm actually proud of myself for not freaking myself out all day. This isn't going to shake me. I'll keep counting and walking and doing what I need to do to break the 80's (269 or below).

I'm not upset. I'll just keep moving. It's just...a part of dieting. I'm going to be just fine. :)

Love & Peace

Gabby