Finally lost!

Down 2 pounds!

Finally! When I saw 212 on the scale, I was like, "Thank god." However, that does mean that I'll have to continue running in the gym, but at least it's only 30 minutes. :x I have two more weeks with my mom, so I'd like to leave 209 or below, the 140 mark. I'd like to be under 200 by the end of August, but we can only hope.

Also, yay for a rest day!

INSANITY Day 13: Pure Cardio & Cardio ABS

Day 12: Pure Cardio & Cardio abs

Ugh, today was a double. I'm not going to lie, I really don't feel like I pushed myself hard enough. Yeah, there was sweat, but more times I was just worn out. I wonder if this is how everyone feels at the end of the week. Plus, my right knee sounded like broken potato chips. It was unsettling.

Cardio abs isn't bad, but it hurts me. The "c position" they have you in hurts my tailbone. I'll probably have to sit on a pillow or something to do it right. It's better than crunches though.

Here's to week three!

Day 13/ 47 to go

P.S. How are you liking the new look? Does it look more college like? :)

INSANITY Day 12: Cardio Power & Resistance

Day 12: Cardio Power & Resistance

Almost forgot to post. :x

Today was hard, not gonna lie. During the warm up, I was like, "Ugh, I wanna take a nap...get some lunch...So tired." But I got through it, ending all damp and sweaty. Tomorrow will be the end of week two.

And it's a double tomorrow. Pure Cardio and Cardio abs. FYI: Not a fan of ab work. Poo.

I got in my extra 30 minutes on the treadmill. Makes my thighs hurt, but it's only 30 minutes.

Day 12/48 to go

INSANITY Day 11: Cardio Recovery

Day 11: Cardio Recovery

Man, I had a mental break down this morning, crying and what not, and I really, REALLY didn't feel like doing it, but this afternoon I got up off my butt and went to work.

I think I'm going to add 30 minutes of cardio to my Insanity work out. I'm not sure how I'll get through it, since the main days are more than a little bit tiring. But it has to be done or I just won't lost this weight.

Gotta do what I gotta do I suppose.

Day 11/49 to go

INSANITY Day 10: Cardio Circuit

Day 10: Cardio Circuit

Damn, almost forget to post.

I'm still trying to push myself harder, but it's hard. Sometimes it's like, "ugh, I can't tell if I'm tired tired, or just lazy tired." I have started to wait about an hour or so after I've woken up before I start the work out so I'm not all drowsy so I can try and push myself more.

I got sweat in my eyes and it burns. :/

I'm happy for cardio recovery. I need a break.

Day 10/50 days to go

Mental Hurdle: Clothes

Warning: This is long. :0

When most people lose weight, new clothes are a right of passage, right? A shopping trip into the "normal" section of clothes, having a single digit pants size (I don't think that's happening with someone of my height and build, but I digress). For some reason, this...bothered me.

For years and years I have bought men's clothes. Usually I'd shop in the plus size men's section at Forman Mills. I had my reasons. For one, I didn't have to worry about jeans "hugging" my form (I'm still a fan of man jeans though...I think they're "boyfriend" jeans now? Why can't they just be "not up your ass" jeans?) I was under the impression that if I covered it up, it didn't exist, simple as that. Also, I could always find something that fit me. Shirts were big and baggy (cause it's hip, yo), so I didn't have to ever encounter something that would expose me and my hidden fat (cause it was hiding so well). Even when I wasn't in stores, online I would head straight for the men's section.

I'm a junior in college now and I've been dressing like that since middle school.

No one ever said anything (though one of my friends did ask why I wore jerseys all the time. Lol), no one made a comment, good or bad, about my clothes. I couldn't tell you how many sizes I've gone down because when I bought jeans and tops I always bought bigger than I actually was. Always.

But it's changing and it's scary.

I've successfully stolen my aunt's jeans (she's in her forties and tried to wear junior's pants, needless to say it didn't work out) and they are, well, form fitting. It took me a long time to not hate how they felt. I felt really...exposed. I felt like everything was just out in the open and going out in them actually made me panic. I felt like everyone was looking at me like, "Wtf, why would she squeeze herself into that?," disregarding the fact that I actually wear a belt with them (hips... ._. ). I recently started wanting some more...form fitting shirts. I did get them (in the "normal" section) and they fit fine, but it was kind of jarring. I feel like I'm truly betraying myself. Like all this new attention on clothes was turning me into a different person. I found something online that articulated it a little better for me and it kind of...woke me up:

"In high-school I saw the people who put effort into their looks as being shallow, brainwashed consumers. It's easy to get sucked into the ideal that worrying about how you look on the outside is a superficial waste of time, and that what's on the inside is more important. It definitely makes you feel better about yourself. Realistically though, what's so bad about wanting to look your best? I appreciate it when other people take the time to look nice for me. " (http://www.succeedsocially.com/lookbetter)

I thought like that for a very long time. To me, taking care of my appearance would make me shallow and a "sheep." Could other people dress nicely? Sure. I wouldn't think twice about someone else looking nice (except high heels to biology...come on people), but the thought of me doing it would mean that I had morphed into some monstrous shallow she-bitch. That all the time of spouting weight loss for health would be tossed away for wanting to "look good." It scares me that I care what's "flattering" or "cute." I'm scared that I'm *gasp* looking at women's clothes and thinking, "...that might be nice on me." It's freaking me out.

You know I'm actually nervous to go back to school because I'm afraid of the response? I'm afraid of what my friends will think of me. I'm nervous of what my classmates will think, the nurse, the nutritionist. Will they think I've become shallow? Will they giggle behind my back? What will people think when they look at me? Will I still be "Gabby" if I wear a cardigan?

This might sound foolish to you, but it's something that is truly freaking me out. I don't have a choice since my mom went nuts and tossed most of my too big clothes and sometimes I do look, dare I say, nice. But that just...scares me.

What will my family say? Will they pat themselves on the back and go, "See? I knew there was a lady under there all this time. Just took some time. She'll be presentable just like everyone else."

Why do I even care so much about what they think?

"When you've taken your share of crap from people for not putting effort into your appearance, even if they're right, the last thing you want to do is listen to what they say. That would feel like letting them 'win'. That would mean conceding that those assholes were right and you were wrong. You can also feel like since the jerks who gave you a hard time care about how they look, then if you start paying attention to your looks, then you're selling out to become like the enemy."

Man, even though he's giving advice to dudes, I was like he was talking right to me. I don't like "losing." I feel like when my grandmother and aunt see me, they'll go, "VICTORY," and I feel like my mom is doing that as we speak. <.<>

I have a post somewhere that says something along the lines of, "Will my style change, probably not," and looking back at it, I can't help but think how wrong I was. It didn't happen over night. One day I just looked at myself and thought that the baggy clothes weren't doing what they used to do. I wanted to look "better," not worse and after a few months I wanted to look "better" enough that I started to change.

I don't know if I'll ever be prancing around in heels, but I don't think I'll shop in the men's section again, at least, not for a long time. I just need to get over my equation that looking nice equals being shallow and superficial.

It's going to be hard.

INSANITY Day 9: Pure Cardio

Day 9: Pure Cardio

I am trying really hard to push myself. I don't want to see 214 anymore on that scale. I have three weeks before I go home, and maybe four, five weeks in total before I return to campus. I want to be as close to 200 as possible. Then it's only...What, four months until Japan? I changed my goal to the 180's since there's no way I can lose 40 pounds in four months (10 pounds a month...pfft, I wish). I will not waste my time. I'm not going to Japan as that "fat" or "big" girl. Tall. Yes. Black. Yes. But I'm not going to spend a semester in a country just to be fat somewhere else.

I refuse.

I will be sweating and digging deeper, dammit!

Day 9/51 to go

INSANITY Day 8: Cardio Power & Resistance

Day 8: Cardio Power & Resistance

Man, Sundays are going to be hard. I do this one early in the morning (Like...3 AM, 4 AM) because I can't work out if I feel like my mom is going to wander out and see it. <<

I found out I'm going to miss some days in week four. :( I'll probably move them in to the next week (my rest week. :/ So unfair). I'll be moving into my own place. Won't that be fun? I'm going to try and be all healthy and junk with my food. :)

I'm also going to try and quit soda...But that won't be till the end of the summer. Lol.

Well, let's keep going with INSANITY. I'm going to push myself harder and try and lose some pounds!

Day 8/52 to go

Back to normal.

Well, I was 221 last week, and I'm back to 214. I'm thinking that a pound or something from last week was, well, an actual gain. Either way, I'm back. I was upset, because I'm like, "Ugh, I've wasted, like two weeks." I'm still going to go with INSANITY. Hopefully I'll lose some weight...fingers crossed.

Is anyone else kind of...antsy when they over eat now-a-days? I mean, today I knew I was going to have a high-calorie dinner, but now I'm kind of...upset about it. Depressed and such. I know it's just one day and that I'll forget about it soon and that it probably won't have any effect...but it's...<< 1400 calories (probably more). I haven't eaten today, but...it's hard to waste that much.

Oh well, that's what Saturday is for I suppose.

INSANITY Day 6. Plyo Cardio Circuit

Day 6: Plyo Cardio Circuit

Ta~Da~
The end of week one of Insanity~

Today was hard, just throwing that out there. I was tired for some reason (before the work out) and it made the work out extra hard. I was annoyed and huffy because the work out was, duh, still hard. You might find me weak, but near the end, I just wanted to lay down and cry cause I truly felt defeated. I was just thinking, "I'm still tired, I feel worse, ugh, I wanna take a nap."

BUT THAT'S NOW DIGGING DEEPER!

So tomorrow and rest and get myself together for week two. Fingers crossed for a good weigh in. <3

Day 6/54 to go.

INSANITY Day 5: Pure Cardio

Day 5: Pure Cardio

Man, it's only 38 minutes, but it is tough. I was dizzy once again. Swaying and what not. It was ridiculous.

The first ten minutes or so is warm up, and then some stretching. I think there's about 20 minutes of the actual work out. During the stretches, he's says things like, "You guys scared about what's coming? I'm scared." Now, I understand it's all part of the gimmick, but I'm not really comforted by the person who made the work out being afraid of the work out. Just saying.

Pure cardio is just what it says, pure cardio. No breaks until the end. I was tired. And guess what? The people in the video were tired, even some chick named "Tammy" who is usually bouncing around with the best of them. Almost everyone got sent off the floor at least once to get some water and to just take a break.

And I was right there with them.

When I first heard of insanity, I foolishly thought it was something to "beef up" my workout. That I'd do it, and then have to do some running on the treadmill or something like that...I can't even get myself up into the kitchen or sit on the toilet, there's no way in hell I'm going to the gym, not this week anyway.

Oh, when calculating my whole work out, for some reason, I forgot the month of August. I thought I was going to finish up in October for some reason. If all goes to plan, I should finish in September. :D (Late September, but September none the less).

I'm going to a convention in October, so I'm happy.

Day 5/55 Days to go

INSANITY Day 4: Cardio Recovery

Day 4: Cardio Recovery

Ah, I woke up, all excited, thinking this would be so super easy. Just a bit of stretching, frolicking and such. Well, I waddled over to my clothes (a strange part of my upper calf was sore, which made it awkward to walk) and got ready for my recovery~

Man, this was bull.

Now, I wasn't pouring buckets of sweat, but half way through the stretches, but legs would start the shake. I had to stop a few times because my legs were just burning. Even on the recovery day, there was a bit of jumping, so there's no escaping. :)

I am scared of the pure cardio. Keep me in your thoughts?

Mini Rant:

Ugh, why does my mom keep bringing this crap in the house!?
This weekend, she was all upset because I gained and said she would help be get back, and lower, and that she was sorry, blah, blah, blah, so yesterday, a Tuesday, she brings home a bag of fried chicken.

Seriously, wtf mom. <.<

Day 4/56 to go

INSANITY Day 3. Cardio Power & Resistance

Day 3: Cardio Power & Resistance

Well, this morning, again, I was sore and very stiff. I waddled out of bed to get ready, more than a little reluctant. I still had the "I'm too sore to do this" thoughts running through my head, but I got up and did it anyway. Yay me.

Well, the warm up had me winded. I can't wait till it actually feels like a warm up. By the end of the stretch, I didn't feel the soreness, just that I was tired...and scared. :)

This was very hard for me. One of the main reasons was shoulder and tricep work. I have a terrible, terrible upper body. The only thing that is "okay" are my biceps, everything else fits the stereotype of delicate ladies at the gym. No power what soever. And I also CAN NOT do push ups. I certainly did try my best though, but it's just something I can't do (yet). Ugh, horrible memories from gym class...

Anyway.

By the end of this, I wasn't too sore, but I was extremely tired, even a little dizzy. This one was just tough for me, but I got through it. INSANITY will certainly push your limits. I was thinking that I can't wait till it gets easier, but I don't think it will, or that I'll allow it to. I'll just have to push harder and harder.

Yay sweat stains.

Day 3/57 to go

INSANITY Day 2: Plyo Cardio Circuit

Day 2: Plyo Cardio Circuit

Well, first off, when I woke up it felt like someone was punching my legs all night. They hurt, as did my sides. I actually stayed in bed for a little longer because I wasn't sure I could get through the warm up, let alone whatever else he had to do.

If this happens to you, I recommend just doing it. Once I got started, I didn't notice the soreness as much and it was only really apparent during the stretches.

Now for the work out:

This man is insane. I'm insane. Whoever has this, has lost their mind. He really did "flip" the intervals. I was always waiting, pleading for a break, and he'd just keep going. When the breaks happened, the only thing I was focused on was water so it wasn't like I got a chance to really breathe. I haven't felt this out of shape since I first started going to the gym (and that was 135 pounds ago. D: )!

He's a great motivator though. If you don't look right at the screen, all that "push, push" really moves you forward. I know my neighbors must think I'm crazy. By the end of it, I was pretty much chanting, "I will get through this, I will get through this." I'm no where near perfect, and there was some times where I would just stand still and breathe, but "digging deeper" really helps you feel like you've done something at the end of this.

My favorite move is the "123-123." Feels fun. I hate everything else pretty much. Something about it just makes you want to keep going. Even though I'm tired, sweaty, and starving, I am pumped to do it again. Also, the idea that your body will transform really makes me a try to stick to form.

Also, seeing people passed out and taking breaks as well doesn't make you feel too bad for doing it yourself. :)

This really was a way to dive into the experience. If you don't like this, I would assume you wouldn't like anything else. It totally destroyed my normal hour on the treadmill. Again, be careful of the knees. I was getting slight twinges in my knee, as well as my ankle. Watch the proper form and take it easy when needed.

Day 2/ 58 to go

INSANITY Day 1: Fit Test

Alright, before I start, a few precautions.

If you have bad knees or knee problems, seriously think before buying this! There is a lot of jumping and kicking and just general knee activity. You have been warned!

Now to the fun stuff. :D

Day 1: Fit Test

Well, the warm-up alone kicked my bum. It was hard. The whole fit test was hard. There were a lot of times where I yelled out, "What the hell!?" However, I kept going...kinda. I just hope to get better! So, here are the starting stats.

Switch Kicks: 80 - I have a feeling that these were in terrible, terrible form. If I could do 20 in perfect form, that would be an improvement for me.

Power Jacks: 30

Power Knees: 70

Power Jumps: 17

Globe Jumps: 6

Suicide Jumps: 7

Push-Up Jacks: 16

Low Plank Oblique: 29

Obviously, some are better than others. A little window to how hard it was for me: By the last stretch, my legs almost gave out.

Starting pictures:

Starting Measurements:

Bust: 38/39

Waist: 32.5

Hips: 41.5

Right & Left Thigh: 24

Well, let's get this party started! Wish me luck.

Day 1/ 59 to go

...Well, gotta keep it moving.

The scale read 221 this morning. I was floored.

I knew I was not on my best behavior this week, but goddamn, seven..SEVEN POUNDS!?

I took a deep breath and tried to talk myself off of the cliff.

1. I ate this week. 'nuff said.

2. The food I ate had high sodium content. I am holding water.

3. I am on my period. More extra weight.

4. It will go back to normal.

I said that over and over so I'm finally calmed down enough. I'll work this week and that's that.

In other news...

That's right, I'm doing INSANITY. All sixty days. I'll be starting on a Sunday (I want Saturday as my break), so tomorrow is D-day (or...I-day?). I will try to post all 60 days to explain how it is, and such. I'll even do pictures at the beginning, half way, and at the end. (With my clothes on. Lol. )

Wish me luck. I'll post after Day 1: The fitness test.

Disappinted...

Well, I recently bought a little outfit to go to a convention to. It had a 32 inch waste. I measured myself, between 31-33 depending on if I ate alot. Skirt fit fine. Then came the top.

This top didn't even come close to buttoning.

I feel down. Every now and then something just comes and hits me like, "Wow, I'm still really big. 135 pounds down, and I still have so much to go." I get all excited and kind of start to see it, and then it just, poof, vanishes, gone.

Wake up, fatty, dream's over. You're still fat, now keep it moving.

Sucks.

Road Trip :D

Going to San Diego~ Just for two days. Still, it's gonna be nice.

Lost two pounds. Still have 51.8 to go, but at least it's moving down, down, down.

Happy weekend.

Ah...So that's a binge...

Please, please, PLEASE, don't undereat. I know that, when trying to lose weight, it's thought that the lower the better, but please don't. I was experimenting with lowering my calorie intake. I think my daily BMR is around 2800, so -1000 is 1800. I've been eating between 1300-1500.

It'll just lead to a binge.

There are emotional binges of course, but some just come from your body being so damn hungry it says, "screw this, we're eating something, now." It's hard to fight against.

At first I had a chicken cutlet (with honey mustard cause it's awesome)...then a cookie...and then ice cream that I ate with a knife (no clean dishes). Washed it all down with coke zero. This put me in the 2000 calorie area, above my normal calorie limit.

Just don't do it.

And if you do binge, don't try and torture yourself the next day. Don't work out extra hard, don't eat really little, because there's no need to punish yourself. Things just happen. Stress, stupid "experiments..."

Just don't do it. Please don't make this journey any hard it than it is.

P.S. This binge gave me the toots.

Sugar Doll & Breyers

MissHaneefa @ BlackGirlGetsFit gave me a Sugar Doll award. :D She's been doing awesome with her weight loss. Thank you Miss Haneefa!

The rules are:

•Thank the recipient

•Link back to the giver

•Reveal 10 things about me

Here we go:

1. I have more stuffed animals then I know what to do with.

2. I'm terrified of needles. Like, freak out, total panic attack, barely get through it kind of fear.

3. Running makes me have gas. ( - . - ) So stand back.

4. I've made dating rules with myself. When I was younger I said I wouldn't date till college, now I don't plan on starting to date till after college, a few months into a job.

5. I am a major grade freak. I will stalk my teachers online until I get my grades.

6. I have an angry face. Don't know why, just do.

7. Though I don't wear earrings often, 90% of them are animals. I have lizards and turtles and pandas to name a few. :)

8. My dream is to adopt the old, large cats that aren't "cute" anymore when I get older. :) One of them will be named "Mr. Bumble."

9. I suck at typography and color theory.

10. My pinkies can not fully straighten. :) Also, all of my fingers are slightly crocked.

I tag anyone who reads this. :D

P.S. I found a great, great, great dessert!

Bryers "Smooth & Dreamy" Ice cream sandwiches. :D

They're so good! I usually don't like ice cream sandwiches because the soft "bread" makes me sick to my stomach, but having hard "cookies" was a pleasant treat! And I love cookie dough. They also have a caramel chip, chocolate dipped one that is awesome (it's an ice cream bar, not a sandwich). I highly recommend! I don't like their brownie one though, but my mom does, so to each their own.

This gets an A from me. :)

Damn. Exactly the same.

216, again. Ugh, I always hate when this happens because I feel like a wasted a week, but what else could I have done? I worked out for an hour, ate my calorie limit, not much else I could of done. I'm hoping that it's just leveling out. (244 to 218 to 220 to 216, week two at 216).

I'm running out of time. D: I have a little less than two months to lose 16 pounds for my summer goal. ;.;
I have to keep it moving. Go on, weight, get outta here!