Wow. Long time no see. Goodness.

I'm back. It's been a long time, I know. But I'm still here. I had a hell of a summer and a hell of a time transitioning back into school, but I'm back.

Because of what was going on I feel off the wagon. (Bad, Gabby. Bad). I just wasn't focused on it. I wanted any food I could get in my mouth hole to get my mind off...whatever. That food was never a salad as you can tell. I went back up to 219 and was there for a bit just getting myself together. I am happy that I did still go to the gym. I'm sure that saved me. I'm down to 215/216, and I feel that I have enough energy to get myself back on track. Get focused on food. I'm working out, but it's the food, the FOOD that I need to work on. My hour in the gym doesn't do much to cookies, brownies, and the like.

I'm not in the dorm (it's not...my cup of tea), and I'm on the meal plan. It was easy not to buy cookies and brownies, but man is it hard to turn down the fresh baked bastards every lunch AND dinner. I've just allowed one cookie to be my dessert. Sometimes it sneaks into a lunch, but I'm trying to strengthen that will power muscle.

I want to leave the year 2011 at 200 pounds. I gotta get pumped, get in the game! This is my last year as an undergrad. I have to leave at the ~goal~.

Also, I hope you are all doing well! Best believe that I'll be catching up on what everyone's been up to. :)

Long time so see.

Sorry I've been away so long, but life has been rough and didn't leave me with much time to think about blogging.

Anyway, I'm around 206 now, which is three pounds from my before Japan weight and six from the oh so anticipated 200/199. I've been "okay" with eating. The fact that they all buy cakes and cupcakes and other calorie dense things doesn't help. I've tripped up myself. I bought myself some nutella and had to dump it because I didn't have the self control for it. That stuff is delicious and addictive. :)

We moved from the house to an apartment. My mom's a bit upset about it, but I kinda like it (it has a free gym and the air conditioner works, which is important in Arizona). Two more weeks and I get to go home and focus on me without any drama. I'll be living in a dorm since I can't afford the apartment, but it's a small price to pay to go to school. I get a meal plan as well, so more salads and so forth.

I'll try to update with the next weigh in. Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their summer.

* Grumble Grumble *

Oh, this summer is just all types of terrible. :/

Fitness wise, it sucks. I'm going to go down the list of why to get it out there.

1. No free gym anymore.

Now, this is the case for a lot of people, but for me, it was something I had completely forgotten about. I signed up for kick boxing, but that's only three times a week, and it's so hot out here that the time I get the energy to work out (mid-afternoon) it's so hot that people can't go outside unless they want to pass out. So that leaves super early in the morning (I've done that...twice) or late at night, when people are out and I don't want to be there. I applied for work, but that hasn't pulled through, so I don't even have money for a gym membership!

2. Food

Sucks. It just sucks. It's like my household hates me. Cake, pizza, fried chicken, you name it, they buy it. Potatoes? Nah. Salad? Nah. Why should they? They don't have anything to worry about. While they're overweight, they're not worried about losing weight, which is fine, but for christ's sake. It sometimes feels like they want me to gain weight.

3. Weight Loss

Since I've been here, I've only lost eight pounds. Summer is usually my time to shine. To focus and just kick start my weight lost for the next semester. But, nope, it hasn't worked out that way. Sucky food choices, lack of a real gym, and my sucky will power have left me feeling chunky and miserable.

People, go to your gym and give them a hug. Kiss your baked chicken and carrots, because not everyone gets to have them!

This is going to be a looooooong summer.

It's been a hard first month here. I know this isn't the blog for this, but I am so ready to go home. The house is covered in pigeon that wake up with the sun, so I don't get much rest. My mom moved her sister and mother in and, while I am very fond of my grandmother, I can't say the same for my aunt. She's very loud, picks on me for everything, and just makes me, ugh, angry. She also is the source of another problem...

Food wise, the situation is terrible. I was able to control what I ate, if I had a treat, I had to buy it right then and there, and I was well aware of it. I could control it. NOW, there are pies (seriously, pie?), cupcakes, pizza, late night fast food runs, the works. I feel like the house(my aunt really) is against diet wise. I know it's not true, and that they don't mean it, but man, I feel like I am under food assault. When you get the munchies and you have an array for treats, it's hard to say no. Doable, but hard.

However, no one is making me eat it, and there are other things in this house to eat. So, while it's not the ideal situation, it is something I can deal with and live with. I don't like it, but I only have till August.

Working out is...annoying. I signed up for martial arts classes & their kick boxing class and I just can't stand how the place is run. Kids running around, people not taking it seriously, it just burns me up. Classes have been canceled without me being informed and I just...Other than the kick boxing, I just hate it. Even the kick boxing has the problem of people brining their little kids, or their teen kids who bring gaggles of boys to look at them through the window while we do the not so flattering workout. Needless to say, once my 30 days are over, I'll be finding a normal, kid free gym.

I'm down to 215, so that's something. I have about three months to lose 15 pounds. I'd like to leave this place at 200 or lower. It's gonna be hard, but it's not impossible. Hope everyone else is having a better summer.

Hello again!

Goodness, I've been busy. All the essays and projects. I'm tired. I still have one more class, but I have a month to finish the project, so it's doable.

Weight has plateaued about. It's at 221 still, but at least it's no 228, right? The goal for this summer is to get back down and, eventually, under 200. I'd be sooooo happy. It's going to be tough. My mom lost her job (and moved from her apartment) so the gym isn't available anymore. I'm back to doing Insanity for lack of anything else. I gotta do something after all. I have been looking at a martial arts place though. I'm going in for a test run on Monday (then can make a payment plan later). I really just need to get this weight off (I can't believe I was at 209 and messed it all up in Japan. Yeesh).

I hope everyone is doing well and is having a good start to the summer. :)

Tired

I'm tired.

This week, I gained 3 pounds. My nurse wasn't all that concerned. She said I usually drop a lot (the six pounds from the previous week) and then gain a little. That's just how it goes. Still, it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't trying to get out of the obese category all over again after I said I'd never go back there. *sigh*

I'm tired.

I made it to the gym everyday until yesterday, Thursday. I made it inside the gym, I changed my clothes, I got on the bike, and after about ten, fifteen minutes...and I just felt awful. I really just wasn't into it. I was tired and just wanted to go home. So I did. Bad Gabby.

What happened was, I decided to treat myself to a cookie. I had logged it before as around...200 calories. I looked at the label and found out that it was actually 356. The font was so small I just never noticed. I felt so depressed. You would of thought that would of kicked my fat butt into gear, but it just made me feel bad. It didn't even fix my eating habits! I ate so much yesterday.

And today, I'm sick. =_=

I had to walk to a station for an interview, so I wasn't totally inactive. I know walking doesn't do much for me anymore, but, hey, it's better than nothing. My eating habits weren't all that better today (two candy bars, can you believe it?). I always get hungrier when I'm sick. It's like some switch gets flipped and it's just me and food.

I feel my gut against my legs when I sit and get all teary eyed these days. I see the rolls and don't even want to go outside. I feel like I'm falling back into bad habits and it's scary. I don't want to go back to where I was. I really want to get to under 200.

Hopefully I'll get there by the end of the summer. I really just have to work hard and put an end to my candy only pity party. (Candy is only for Saturday anyway. :P)

Thank you + Back on Track

I wanted to say thank you to those who commented on my last post. Especially MissHaneefa. Someone having been to Japan, and gain weight, makes me feel better (lol, misery loves company?). It really helped push me out of the "oh god, I'm a japanese glutton" real quick! I'm also back on track. Back to eating what I healthy (including oatmeal. <<) and working out. I'm calorie counting regularly and have already lost 6 of the 19 pounds I've gained. Hopefully I'll be back down to 209/8, and then I can tell the 200's to kiss my bum. I'd like to get to my goal before I graduate college (can you believe that's only a year away? Yeesh!). I have about 50 pounds and a little less than a year to lose 'em. I'm ready to sweat. :) Question: What are the name of the fancy arm bands that have the ipod holder on them? I'd really fancy one since most work out pants don't have pockets.

Ugh. Nutritionist hurt my feelings...

So I met with my nutritionist today for the first time since I got back and I feel...awful.

First things first, she asks be about my weight. I tell her I've gained weight. Anyone who's even skimmed the titles of my blog entries knows that gaining weight isn't something that I take lightly. She, however, proceeds to say, "You gained weight in Japan? That takes some doing." I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I had to try and explain that Japan is not as light as people make it out to be. Their stores aren't full to the brim with health foods, and, while I ate vegetables daily, cheap lunches were not always the most healthy (bowl of meat and rice = 300¥/500-600 cal.). After explaining that the food is indeed not always light, she says, "Well, apparently if that happened."

The whole meeting went down hill from there. I didn't want to say anything, I just wanted to go into the bathroom and cry. I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to share, I just wanted to go home. She went through three days worth of food and picked it apart. Sunday I was out with a friend, so it's obviously not my daily eating habits. She even picked apart the fact that I ate oatmeal for breakfast. Saying that the "Maple Brown Sugar" variety has too much high fructose corn syrup, even though I had been eating oatmeal last semester without fuss. She also picked apart the fact that I eat an almond bar as a snack, saying she remembered me eating fruit. she didn't bother to ask if I had any fruit since I arrived, because if she did, she would of known that I had apples, strawberries, and grapes and had finished them last week, before the food logs she requested took place.

I don't know what happened. She was so nice, but to be honest I really don't want to see her again. She truly hurt my feelings and made me feel even worse about my weight gain than I already had. I knew that people would be amazed that I gained weight in Japan of all places, I was too. But she just made me feel worse and embarrassed. I'll probably be canceling my next meeting with her. I had liked her because I didn't liked being judged about what I ate, but that she saw it as a normal part of life. That eating ice cream or, hell, oatmeal, wouldn't be the death of me. Now I just don't know...