You Know What? I Don't Care Anymore.

That's right. All you people taking a double take when I go in for an exercise class, or glancing at me when I'm on the weights or treadmill. I don't care. Look all you want, I don't care anymore. I don't care if I look weird, or if I'm bigger or slower than everyone else in a class. I. Don't. Care. I'm not letting you judgmental people try and dictate where I can and can not go and how I'm supposed to feel.

I'm trying my best, and I will lose this weight. I will become faster. I will become stronger. I will become healthier. I'm not letting anyone stop me anymore, including myself. I deserve to feel good, I deserve this chance, but I don't deserve your judgments.

It's just a matter of time now. I will make it to the finish line, just you wait, I'll make it.

Finals, Finals, Finals...And Christmas.

Well, I'm not sure about freshmen Anna, but December has been hella busy for me. Finals, projects, critiques...I've been keeping up with the weight and such, but haven't been very good blogging about it. :/ Let's do a bit of a recap, shall we? I did manage to post a bit on CC about my "drama". :D

November 28th:
"I went out with friends today. For some god awful reason the mall and not the library was the place we decided to meet.

I have never been more depressed and sad then I was walking through the stores with them. When the hell did we start going to clothing stores!? We used to go to book stores and tea stores and game stores...now we're going to f**king Macy's? Of course they're all a size 2, so I felt like a huge giant around all of them, wading through clothes that won't ever fit me, even when I get to my goal weight. Hello! I'm 6ft tall! I'm never going to be a "junior."

I saw a pair of gloves I wanted and, surprise, surprise, my hands were too big for them. It sucked, because one of my friends came up and asked, "shopping for gloves?" and I had to admit that me and my fat ass hands couldn't fit into anything.

Boy, don't I feel great?

I spit out some crap about not liking to drive in the dark and got the hell out of there. I don't think I'll be going to the mall for a long, long, long, long time, let alone going out with friends. When did we become so different? It was really the worse outing ever and I regret going.

Glad they're doing well though.

P.S. Found out that I'm a 100% emotional eater. :) I actually ate before I went out so I wouldn't gorge myself. Ended up having waffle fries, two cookies (Big, huge, toll house cookies. Fabulous), I'm on my second slice of something called a "chocolate loaf," and I also had chicken and such with my healthy choice (before said chocolate loaf). I'm in the 2,300 now. I'm hoping all the walking I did today balances this out. I'm going to try to stop eating now and just get some sleep."

December 8th:

"Well, it's not all that dramatic, but my body is just being a real turd. It seems to lose weight in spurts. I have got through two plateaus in the last four months, and I'm pretty sure this is number three. Here's a break down of the pattern.

Went down to 271, then shot back up to 275, stayed there for weeks.

Went down to 266/264, stayed here for weeks.

Went down to 258, shot back up to 260, this is week two at 260.

I'm kind of running out of ideas. Do I need more food? Less food? Work out more? Is it the weight lifting? I'm running out of ideas."

The End.

Only two posts, but it's the info, in a nut shell, of what I've been going through. Did get back into the 250's today at 257. I'm hoping Christmas won't screw me over. My mom's coming down for some local food and our food is good...I'm gonna need an attack plan. <.<

I hope this finds everyone well though. Best of luck and don't give up. :)

Love & Peace,

Gabby